Then I woke up

We were on the beach, and the water was beyond beautiful. Clear, turquoise, like a jewel swelling then receding from the white powder sand. We commented on how perfect and beautiful it was, and just watched the tide for awhile. We went back inside to the dining room, sunny and warm as the beach outside. We went about our work and all was well.

Then I was on a train - a freight train - and it was going at a breakneck speed. I was not alone - the kids were with me - but I didn't know how we got on, and I didn't want to be on, and I knew as we approached a rising right turn that there was no turning back. We would have to ride the train around to wherever it was going.

My phone rang. I looked down to see that it was the one person I knew would never call me again. I almost didn't want to talk to her. I answered the phone and I heard her say it was time, but the wind from the train was rushing in my ear and I pretended I couldn't hear her. So I said, "Hello? Who is this?" (though I knew who it was). And she didn't answer. And I hung up.

The train arrived.

I was back in the dining room but it was dark and the mood dank. There were fewer tables, the chairs were brown metal, and the carpet was grey with dirt and worn. There were cigarette ashes on the floor and an ash tray. I saw him wiping down a table like he was trying to erase his life. He looked up at me and we didn't say anything to each other.

I called her back. I don't think I said anything, just listened. But it was awkward and I felt like someone else wanted this, not me.

Then I looked up and saw the water again. And I walked down some stairs, my son walking next to me, and I held his hand as we walked up to a desk where a familiar man was working. He was lean and long, his knees not under the desk. He was talking on the phone, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, but I knew he was expecting us and I leaned down to my son and told him to say hello. I didn't see the man's face but I could feel his smile as he continued to talk on the phone but acknowledged my boy. He and I didn't say a word but I lightly ran my hand on his side as a greeting and could feel his skin which felt like home.